If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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