dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
