Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
