I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Houston, we have a blender
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
