I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
