i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
