So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
