just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
