yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
