so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
