at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
