you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
