You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
