I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
