Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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