Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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