i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
