just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
