My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
