She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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