You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
