At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
