Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
3pm strippers are depressing
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
