It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
