This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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