Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
