I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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