I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
