wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
