Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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