Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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