im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
