You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
