Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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