OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Randomize
