my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
