All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
