Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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