Ambien. No doubt about it.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
