well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
