Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
