I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
