I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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