She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i've created a new STD.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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