Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
