my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
