Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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