oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
