bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
