I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
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i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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