I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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