apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
