I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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