omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
