bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
