She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
