You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
