I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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