you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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