My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
