I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
