did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
