Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
