I love black thongs
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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