it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
