i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
