If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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