sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
