I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
