i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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