We named our party play list daddy issues
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
