Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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