apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
