she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
