She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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