Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I know her cup size but not her name....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
